The Poisoned Cup

Ephesians 4:31–32

I was told that there’s an old proverb that says, “Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” It got me thinking about a man holding a poison cup and saying, “I’ll show them! I’ll drink this, and they will be sorry.” That is utter stupidity, but do you know, spiritually we do the very same thing when we hold a grudge. Holiness is Love excluding sin. A grudge is the opposite of this holy love; it is sin excluding love. Every grudge we hold tightens our grip on bitterness, and Loosens our grip on Christ. I point out to you the dangers of holding onto a grudge and how God empowers us through His grace to release what will only destroy us.

Paul writes in Ephesians 4:31, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.” We see Paul giving us an example of spiritual progression: holding a grudge. Bitterness will lead to wrath, anger, loud quarrels, and finally malice. A grudge is never static; it is always growing and consuming us more.

An example of this in the natural world is bamboo. When I lived in Georgia, we had bamboo on the back end of our property from the previous owner. It seemed harmless at first, a pretty wall at the back end of our property. However, over time, it grew and started taking over the yard. We could cut it down, but it’s still growing and spreading. The reason it did this is that it grew underground and spread that way. That’s why they warn people in other parts of the world never to plant bamboo near their homes, because it will eventually spread, destroying foundations, patios, and pipes. A grudge is just like that bamboo growing quietly but dangerously.

You may bury the grudge in the depths of your heart, but it will break through where you least expect it. I want to tell you that a grudge can be a root of sin in your life until you cleanse it by God’s perfect love. Bitterness is one of those roots of sin. We must allow the Holy Spirit to uproot it because if we don’t, it will choke the very life of grace within us. Holiness cannot grow where a grudge is flourishing.

Additionally, when we hold a grudge, it chains us to the person who hurt us. Look at what Paul says in Hebrews 12:15, “Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you…” A grudge is a chain that ties your heart to the wound and your mind to the one who caused that hurt.

Corrie ten Boom once said that refusing to forgive keeps you prisoner. She went on to tell a story of a man who visited her after the war, and that man was one of the guards who abused her sister. When he asked for forgiveness, she said, "The hardest thing was not to forgive him; it was unchaining herself from him." Every time we replay the hurt, we are letting the person who hurt us live rent-free in our minds. You may say, “I will never let that person hurt me again,” But I have bad news for you: as long as you hold a grudge, that person is not only still hurting you, they are shaping you. Salvation is more than just forgiveness; It is a deliverance. Just as sin can enslave us, so can bitterness. The grace that frees you from sin is the same grace that can free you from the sins committed against you. Sanctification is God’s work of unchaining you.

Another thing that holding a grudge does is it blocks the flow of God’s grace. Look at what Matthew wrote, “If you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you…” Some people here will use this verse and say that God is unwilling to forgive. That is not what Jesus is saying here. Jesus is saying that the heart that refuses to forgive cannot receive forgiveness. Your house has a water supply coming in through a pipe, and imagine there’s a rag jammed in it. There is plenty of water available, and it is fresh, clean, and abundant, but it cannot flow because of the blockage caused by the rag.

Bitterness is that rag in the pipe. It won’t stop God from loving you, but it will stop you from experiencing that love. Grace is a relationship. We participate in it through faith that works by love. A grudge short-circuits that relationship, making it impossible to walk in holiness. We need to let go of that grudge that is harboring resentment.

Grudges also keep us from healing the wound. Look at what Joseph says to his brothers when they came to Egypt, “You meant evil against me; but God meant it for good…” Joseph had every human reason to hold a grudge. His brother threw him in a pit; they hated him so much that they wanted to kill him, but instead they sold him into slavery. Joseph forgave them, and in forgiving them, he was healed and saved the nation of Israel.

A physician will tell you that a wound that is never cleaned will never heal. You can cover it, you can ignore it, you can pretend it doesn’t hurt, but until it is cleaned and sometimes painfully, it can never heal. Forgiveness is God’s cleansing healing. A grudge is like picking at a scab, keeping the wound open. Healing is part of becoming holy. Salvation is renewing the whole person, including your emotions, your memories, and your broken places. God not only forgives you but also heals you. God will not force that healing on you if you refuse to expose the hurt.

When we hold a grudge, it will also rob us of the Holy Spirit’s fullness. The Apostle Paul wrote in Ephesians 4:30-32, “Do not grieve the Holy Spirit… Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another…” Holding a grudge is not just unhealthy; it is unholy. Holding a grudge grieves the Holy Spirit by opposing the very nature of Christ himself.

Imagine you try to pour water into a glass filled with rocks. The water goes in easily, but not much can stay. In this example, the rocks represent grudges, and when the Holy Spirit tries to fill you, He cannot do so fully until you remove the rocks. The Holy Spirit’s Fullness is given to heal and cleanse our hearts from sin, but when we hold a grudge, it blocks that fullness because it contradicts perfect love. To be holy does not mean to be perfect in performance, but to be perfect in love, and we know what Paul wrote to the Corinthian church: “love keeps no record of wrong.”

Now you may ask Pastor Ken how I can deal with and let go of grudges? Let me give you 5 things you should do with your grudges. The First is confessed the grudge as a sin, not the trauma. I have said, and others have said, “But they hurt me!” Holding a grudge is your response, not their action. Confession is opening the door to cleansing from sin.

The second thing you must do is surrender your right to revenge. Romans 12:9 says, “Vengeance is mine, says the Lord.” Forgiveness is not saying they were right, but it is saying that God is the judge, not me.

The third thing we must do is seek the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit. Ask the Spirit to cleanse the root of the bitterness and not just trim the branches. Let him do the work.

The Fourth thing may be very hard for us to do, and I know I struggle with it: praying blessings over the person who hurt you. We’re praying not out of emotion but obedience. God’s grace flows through obedience.

The final thing we must do is replace bitterness with compassion. Look at what Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be kind… tenderhearted…” Tender-heartedness is not weakness. It is true power, and it is holiness.

Let’s look at the poison cup again for a moment. Christ comes to you today and says, “Give me that cup.” He takes that poison to the cross. He absorbs the bitterness, the wrath, the malice; he takes it all. He not only takes the sins you have committed, but he takes the sins committed against you. Holiness is not white-knuckling forgiveness, but letting Jesus take the cup from your hand.

Imagine a traveler carrying a heavy pack on his back when a man in a car pulls up and invites him to ride. As they travel, the rider keeps the heavy pack on his shoulders. The driver said to him, “Why didn’t you take that off and put it in the back seat?” The traveler answers, “You’re carrying me; I do not want to burden you with my load.” The driver responded, “I am already carrying you and everything you are carrying.” Christ Jesus is carrying you; why not let him carry the grudge you are holding also?

Ephesians 4:33 says, “put away from you all bitterness.” Lay down your grudges right now. Let God’s grace cleanse the wound. Let holiness fill your heart. Let Christ Jesus set you free from the bitterness, the malice, and all unholiness.