Empathy with a Holy Heart

One day after church, my wife and I were talking to someone who attends our church, and we were discussing empathy and how people use it against believers to show that they are not loving them the way they want to be loved. It got me thinking: we live in a time when the word 'empathy' is everywhere. We were told we need to “be empathetic”, “We must lead with empathy, " and “we must show empathy no matter what.” The Church must ask this question about empathy, “according to who?”

Empathy, as defined by culture, is very different from the empathy shown by Christ, and that comes from a holy heart. For some in the world, empathy means never disagreeing. Others would say it means affirming whatever somebody feels or does. While others say empathy is to be treated as the highest virtue you can have, even above truth, holiness, and obedience. As believers, we must believe in Empathy that is deeply compassionate and deeply rooted in holiness. Our faith should be a faith that holds tender mercy in one hand and transforming grace in the other. So, as we carefully examine empathy, we will see that it's truly biblical and theological, and we’ll see what it is not, even when it feels loving. Additionally, we will see what holy empathy looks like in a spirit-filled, lead believer.

What empathy is: entering another’s pain with Christ-like love. It starts with a heart shaped by God, looking at what he looks at. We see the apostle Paul wrote in Hebrews 4:15, “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses…” Jesus does not merely observe our pain. He enters it. As believers, this matters deeply because we believe in a God who walks with humanity, meets us where we are, and loves us too much to leave us there.

Empathy must begin with allowing our hearts to be moved, not hardened, by the suffering of those around us. We must have a tender conscience, or a heart sensitive to both God and people. Empathy flows from this tenderness. Empathy is not weakness. Empathy is a strength shaped by love.

Jesus shows us empathy without losing sight of his mission. In John 11, Lazarus has died. Jesus knew that resurrection was coming. He knew what the ending was, yet in verse 35 it says, “Jesus Wept.” He did not say to them, “Stop crying, I got this.” He did not just rush past their grief with theology. He stood with them in their sorrow. Empathy means weeping with those who weep, sitting before solving, and listening before lecturing. Romans 12:15 says, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” That there is empathy.

Galatians 6:2 says, “Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Empathy is carrying each other’s burdens, but not fixing people. Notice it does not carry each other’s sins but carry each other's burdens. Empathy does not rush to fix things. It does not rush to judge. And it definitely does not rush to distance itself. It says, “You do not have to bear this burden alone.” As believers, Empathy is represented by walking together in Grace, Truth, and accountability.

Let’s clear up the confusion about what empathy is not and where many people misunderstand and misuse it. Empathy is not moral agreement. This is very critical to understand. Empathy says, “I see your pain,” And it does not say, “Everything you’re doing is right.” We can look to Jesus’s example of showing the woman who was caught in adultery with compassion, yet he still said, “Go and sin no more.” As believers, we must insist that love and holiness are not enemies. Confusing empathy with endorsement is not loving, but it is spiritually dangerous.

Another thing we need to be careful about is that empathy does not suspend the truth. Ephesians 4:15 calls us to “Speak the truth in love.” Some people will think that empathy means never speaking the truth. Love without truth is sentimental, and truth without love is brutality. Empathy does not cancel truth, but it creates a relational bridge by which truth can be shared and heard. Grace must be boldly preached, but a call to repentance must never be softened.

Additionally, empathy is not absorbing someone else’s sin or identity. The modern idea of empathy requires us to adopt another worldview, affirm their identity choice, and redefine biblical categories. This is not Biblical empathy. Look at what Jesus did. He ate with sinners, but he did not become one. He touched the unclean, but he was not defiled. He entered brokenness, yet he remained holy. Holy sanctified empathy draws us to people without being pulled in.

Also, empathy is not emotional enmeshment. Some Christians will burn themselves out because they confuse empathy with emotional entanglement. We are called to love people, not to replace the Holy Spirit in their lives. We must be disciplined compassion, which is a heart on fire for God but guided by his wisdom. Empathy listens, but it also knows when to pray, step back, and trust God’s work.

Empathy must be shaped by a holy heart. When we have that heart of God, we do not become less human but become fully loving humans. As we let the Holy Spirit cleanse our hearts, our empathy becomes purer, our compassion becomes wiser, our love becomes more Christ-like, and we stop reacting emotionally and start responding spiritually.

We must have empathy that leads towards healing, not stagnation. An empathy that leaves people stuck is not loving at all. Jesus met people where they were, but he always invited them forward. Empathy from a holy heart always asks: How do I draw you closer to Christ? What is God doing here? How can I walk with you towards wholeness?

A church of believers should be a community with empathy from a holy heart. Imagine a church where the broken are welcomed, the hurting are heard, the Sinner is loved, and holiness and truth are preached. It is a place where grace is free but is not cheap. That is Biblical Christianity and holy empathy.

When we want true holy empathy, we can look to Christ for it. When he saw the crowds, the scripture says, “He was moved with compassion.” It does not say he had disgust or indifference toward them, but rather compassion. That compassion led him to the cross. He saw our sin and had empathy for us, so he died for us so we can get out of sin. Today, the Holy Spirit is calling us to have softer hearts, Clearer convictions, a deeper love, and a stronger holiness. We should all want to have this, and let me encourage you to say this prayer,

“Lord Jesus, please shape my heart to be like yours.

Let me feel how you feel.

Let me love as you have.

And help me never confuse compassion with compromise.”