Back to the Basics: Honor That Builds Life

Exodus 20:12

As you know, for the past several weeks, we’ve been going through the 10 commandments in what I call the Back to the Basics series. These commandments given in Exodus 20 are not merely ancient rules written on stone tablets. They are the foundation of life that honors God and blesses others. The first four commandments focus on our relationship with God. The remaining commandments will focus on our relationship with other people.

Right at the beginning of this transition stands the 5th commandment that reads, “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you.” It is a very unique command. It’s the first of the commandments that deals with human relationships, and it is also the first commandment that has a promise attached to it. Even the Apostle Paul referenced this command in Ephesians 6:2, saying, “’Honor your father and mother’ (this is the first commandment with a promise).” We will see that this commandment has three truths: the meaning of honor, the model of honor, and the blessing of honor.

The word honor in this commandment means to value, respect, and consider weighty or significant. In Hebrew, this word conveys the idea of giving someone weight. To honor your parents means you value, respect, care for, and treat them with dignity. This commandment is much more than obedience and childhood, but it is a lifelong attitude of respect.

When we are young, honoring our parents means obedience. However, later in life, it is showing them gratitude, respect, care, and kindness. Today we see a culture that dismisses authority, but this commandment calls us back to God’s design for family.  Family and God’s design are places where we form holy characteristics. Learning to honor our Parents teaches us something important: respect for authority begins in the home. If we cannot honor our parents whom we can see, how can we honor God whom we do not see?

Imagine, for a moment, a young tree being planted in the ground. If its roots grow strong and deep, that tree will withstand the storms. However, if its roots are weak and do not go deep into the soil, it will be knocked over by a strong wind. Family relationships are like those roots. In a godly family where honor is upheld in the home, it will create stability in society. However, when honor disappears from our home, society begins to crumble.

In the Bible, we have the greatest model of honoring parents ever found. It is found in Christ Jesus. Jesus was the Son of God, but he lived in submission to his earthly parents. We see that Jesus was in the temple, Luke 2:51 says, “Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them.” Think about that idea for a moment, the creator of the universe submitted himself to his earthly parents, Mary and Joseph. He honored them by doing this.

It does not stop there; Jesus even honors his mother from the cross. In the Gospel of John, while Jesus was dying on a cross, he looked down at his mother and entrusted her care to John the apostle. That reveals a powerful truth we need to take to heart. Honor is not dependent on convenience. Honor flows from a heart that is shaped by love and holiness. When God loves transforms us, it will change how we treat people. Especially those who are close to us.

True holiness shows in us in how we speak to our parents. It shows how we care for them. It shows how we treat them when we are old. It will show when we show gratitude for them. Holiness always produces honor in any relationship, especially with our parents.

Now I must address a reality here: not every family relationship is easy. I could tell you stories about my parents that are not too flattering. Many people have experienced broken homes, Abusive parents, absent parents, painful memories, and difficult relationships. What does honoring parents look like in these situations? Let me make one thing clear: honoring does not mean approving of sinful behaviors. It does not mean ignoring abuse or wrongdoing. However, it does mean we refuse to let bitterness rule our hearts.

When we allow God to transform us through the Holy Spirit, we can respond with grace even when relationships are hard and complicated. Sometimes honoring parents means speaking respectfully, setting healthy boundaries, choosing forgiveness, and praying for them. Honoring is not always easy, but it is always holy.

A man once said, “When I was 16, I thought my father knew very little. When I was 25, I was surprised by how much he learned.” Sometimes, wisdom only becomes visible with time and maturity. Many times, we do not truly understand our parents until after they have passed on.

There is a blessing to honoring. God promises us something if we keep this commandment. It states, “so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” In ancient Israel, this Promise meant national stability and blessing. Families built on honor create strong, healthy communities, and these principles still apply today. When families practice honor, their relationships are stronger, wisdom is passed down, and society becomes stronger.

When a culture despises parents, eventually it will destroy itself. However, a culture that values families builds stability for generations. This commandment is not God’s burden on us, but a pathway to human flourishing. God gives this commandment not to restrict life but to protect it.

You may ask yourself, what are the practical ways to honor parents. Let me give you several ways you can live out this command. The first way is to speak respectfully to your parents. The Bible is quite clear that words have power. Honoring is often expressed through tones and attitudes.

Another way to honor your parents is to show gratitude. No parent is perfect, but most parents have sacrificed more than we realize. If you are able to take time to thank your parents, do so, and thank God for them. If they have passed on, thank God for them.

Another way to show them honor is to take care of them. As they grow older, sometimes the role of caretaker reverses. We sometimes become caregivers to our parents. A way to honor them is to care for them in their later years. They are not a burden to you, but God is giving you away to honor them.

The final way you can honor your parents is by living out the good example they have shown you. Every parent, no matter how good or bad, has shown a good way to live. While my father wasn’t the best parent to me, he did instill in me a very good work ethic that I follow to this day.

I heard a story about a missionary who said the greatest compliment he ever received was when someone told him, “You remind me of your father.” This meant more to him than any awards. You may ask why this was? It is because it meant his life reflected the legacy of those who raised him.

There is another layer to this commandment than just honoring your parents. Learning to honor your earthly parents prepares us to honor our Heavenly Father. The family is meant to be a small reflection of God’s authority and love. When families function according to God’s design, children will understand authority, love, discipline, and grace. This is why the enemy of our souls often attacks the family so fiercely. If the family collapses, then society will shortly follow.

This commandment is not just for the children; it is also a challenge to parents. A parent should live in a way that makes it easier to honor. The Apostle Paul wrote in Ephesians 6:4, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”  Honor flows best in homes where the parents lead with love, consistency, and godliness.

If you do not have the best parents, there is good news for you. God can and will transform families. Through Christ Jesus, broken relationships can be healed. Where there is bitterness, God can bring forgiveness. Where there is division, God can bring reconciliation. Where there is God, healing can bring. God’s grace is powerful enough to restore families and renew their hearts.

I read a story about a man who once visited an elderly nursing home resident. On the wall hung a simple plaque that read, “Honor your mother and father.” The man asked, “Why is that verse so important to you?” The elderly man replied, “Because one day everyone becomes the parent who needs honor.”

This fifth commandment reminds us of something that is very powerful. When we honor parents, our family is strengthened, our communities are stable, we reflect God’s character, and ultimately, we learn to honor the one who gives us life.

In closing, God may be saying to you that you have not been honoring your parents. Perhaps you need to forgive them, show gratitude for them, restore a broken relationship, or simply commit to honoring those who raised you. Holy lives should be lived out in ordinary relationships, and sometimes holiness begins as simple and profound as this commandment: “Honor your father and your mother.”